Always With Me

Can you hear me? Well I’m crying over you.

Yes, I know, I said I’d never cry again.

When you left me, my heart was torn into.

Can’t you see? I’m still fading from the strain.

Chorus

Cause every time I think of you, I lose all self-control.

Your always be right here with me, deep down in my soul.

Lately, nights are lonely, they cut me like a knife.

I don’t know, I may just go insane.

Maybe, I could try, just get on with life.

But I know I will never lose this pain. Chorus

Bridge

All the nights without you near, despair is amplified.

So many tears keep flowing through, I cannot stem the tide.

I try each day to fight these blues, believe me I gave tried.

As longing for you grows my dear, something inside me dies Chorus

I first wrote the original version of this song while I was in high school.

One of my friends had been employed as a dishwasher at a small diner called the Tow Café, but his obligations to the Burnet High School Band made his continued employment impossible. He was kind enough to the establishment to find his own replacement and especially kind to me when he asked if I would like to work in his stead. I jumped at the chance. So, on the first day of HS fall 1985 I became gainfully employed working about 40 hours a week after school and on weekends.

I spent a lot of time at a dishwashing sink. I wrote quite a few songs with my hands plunged in dirty water. As I would wash a melodic line would come into my head and I would while away the hours writing a chorus and then verses. After I got home at night, I would write the song down before I started my homework. The songs I felt were pretty good, I kept. I shared them with very few people over the years. Occasionally I would meet someone who played guitar and we would talk about putting those songs to music, but talk was all that occurred.

In 2013, my birth mother bought me a new guitar and I decided that I was going to learn enough to put my songs to music. For over a year, I would spend hours a day teaching myself to play thanks to various books I purchased and YouTube videos. Eventually, I could finger basic chords and strum. By the time my child was born in late 2014, I still hadn’t learned enough to satisfy myself and the next four years were hectic.

A month ago, I decided to try again. I was looking online for anything that would aid me when I came across a video by YourGutiarsage.com that explained major chords and chord progression in song writing in a way that suddenly made sense. Every night, after I put my child to bed, I would grab my guitar and work on putting chords to those old songs. Always With Me was the first I completed.

I felt I should at least put my songs on the YouTube channel where I had uploaded many of my karaoke songs for friends and family. Next, I talked a good friend and asked for him to listen to the song to see what he thought and maybe he would play guitar and harmonize while I sang. I had already figured out playing accurately and singing at the same time was not my forte. He listened to my phone recording of the song and gave me some feedback and suggestions. I listened, because he had actually turned down a Nashville offer years ago.

Update 9/17/2023: I posted the acoustic version of the song to YouTube today. As you can see, after many hours of practice I can finally play and sing this song at the same time. A very special thanks to Stacey Jones, owner of Basin Nights in Odessa, Texas. If you’re ever out that way pay him a visit for some Karaoke or some Texas Hold-Em Poker. Now back to the original post.

What came out of that feedback was a different song. Instead of a straightforward “I lost you because I cheated on you” hurting song, became a “I lost you” hurting song. The listener can decide the reason.

I am going to include the original version of the song so you can see how much it has changed lyrically and structurally. Imagine a Statler Brothers harmony.

The original title was In My Mind

Baby can you hear me? Well I’m crying over you.

And I know I said I’d never cry again.

But baby, when you left me, you broke this poor fools heart.

And I know, I will never love again.

Chorus

And every time I think of you, it tears me up inside.

You’ll always be my baby, if only in my mind

Baby, please believe me, when I say that I’m sorry.

And I know that words are not enough.

But baby, if you come back, I promise to be true

And I know, I will never stray again.

Chorus

Cause every time I think of you, it tears me up inside.

Your always with me baby, If only in my mind.